Today at 5pm, Maryland became the 8th state in the United States to pass marriage equality. This will allow all couples who love each other to marry regardless of sexual orientation. The bill which passed in both the Maryland House, Senate, and was signed by Governor Martin O’Malley, will likely go to referendum and be on the ballot in November. But this is a sign of changing times – that progress and change are possible. While this is terrific news, there is still a long road ahead. Particularly in in the area of elminating homophobia and diminishing hetereonormativity.
Hetereonormativity is the belief and establishment of social norms that normalize hetereosexuality.
The dangers of homophobia are known, especially in light of the numerous LGBT suicides in 2011. But hetereonormativity is dangerous as well. By establishing one thing as normal, it make the other abnormal, like homosexuality; it creates a harmful dichotomy. Socializing what is normal and what is not in and of itself is dangerous; however, it is particularly dangerous when working with youth.
Image via socialchangediva.com
While in college, I worked at the local YWCA co-directing an after school program for middle school girls. One week, our topic was dating violence and we had a guest speaker from the local rape crisis center. During the one hour presentation, the presenter consistently used the word “boyfriend.”
I was pretty sure that one of the girls, Danielle, identified as LGBT. She was usually engaged, smiling, and active during the program. During the presentation she was withdrawn and starting to shut down. By the end of the presentation and countless “boyfriend” phrases later, she appeared completely withdrawn and sad as she left to go home. I believe that it was because she could not identify with the word boyfriend in her life and she felt alienated and not normal.
This story has stayed with me for years and demonstrates the power our word choice can have. While most of our young ladies will have boyfriends, it is not worth risking the alienation of even one girl who may not be heterosexual. Using gender neutral language is an easy way to make sure that none of our youth will feel like Danielle.
Neutral language can be as simple as:
“they”
“your significant other”
“the person you’re dating”
“Are you dating someone?”
I challenge other youth workers to make a thoughtful effort to use inclusive language. That doesn’t mean you have to get in a long conversation about homosexuality or heterosexuality. In fact you don’t even have to have that convo (although I encourage it). But by using inclusive language, you can ensure that no other youth feels like Danielle. This is just one step to diminishing the power and harmful effects of hetereonormativity.
Being the Change 
Leave a comment